A Question of Maturity

(Source)

To discuss

The article "12 Things Truly Mature Men Don't Do" presupposes certain values and goals, each of which may not be problematic in and of itself but when taken together comprise a picture of the All-American man that overgeneralizes his characteristics and isn't inclusive of other definitions of manliness. It is peppered with phrases like "settling down with a beautiful woman" (which, I may add, is sexist in and of itself--is her appearance her primary value?) and "men are known for not being in touch with their emotions".

One thing I also found interesting was the presupposition that men in general have a "wild-oats" time period where it's all about partying and booze. Nearly every entry begins with a generalization of "how men are" until they "mature."

I wondered if others felt the same way about this article, so I perused a portion of the reader comments. One Top Commenter noted that the characteristics of this composite mature man follow the Myers-Briggs INFP. The website 16personalities explains the INFP type, who makes up an approximate 4% of the population, is guided by principles and holds honor, beauty, and morality in high esteem. William Shakespeare and Frodo Baggins are listed as historical and fictional examples of this personality type.

To read

To watch

Parks and Rec "Pyramid of Greatness"

Chapter 2 and the Khobragade Case

To discuss

To prepare for this blog post I read several news stories summarizing the events of, and the repercussions following "Nannygate", the case of the Indian diplomat arrested on charges of visa fraud and under-paying her house help.  The "-gate" nomenclature was assigned as a response to the uproar surrounding the State Department's handling of both the situation and the individual. Reports accusing law enforcement of less than tasteful behavior swirled with bulletins declaring the justice and professionalism of the law in action (For the Daily Mail's timeline of events, click here).

What really happened?  Some, and probably many, of the truths will not be known in the news, but what is sometimes as important as the reality is the first collective perception of the event. That a well-educated, high-powered woman, an Indian diplomat and a guest in the United States, should not only be arrested but also strip-searched (other more unsavory rumors circled as well), enraged both government officials and ordinary citizens.

Power Distance--the acceptance of hierarchy in a culture (Interplay, page 46-47). Did police officers offend that hierarchy when they arrested a diplomat?

Gender--does the fact that the accused was a woman play a role in how her home country felt about her arrest? Are women accorded a type of cultural chivalry in mainstream Indian culture that would be offended?

Collectivism--If India in general is a more collectivist culture, would individual Indian citizens feel personally more offended that "one of ours" is in disgrace? Or am I conflating nationalism and collectivism?

Guest--Even though Khobragade did not have a certain level of diplomatic immunity in this case (source), does the fact that she was serving as a guest in the United States call for more sensitive treatment?

To watch

A European student project explaining the theory around cultural stereotypes. I found this especially effective at the point when the non-US vantage point became very clear, and the US student is pushed off the hegemonic pedestal.

To listen

This song reminded me of a a discussion in another communication course about how if immigrants (especially those from strong story-telling cultures and co-cultures) involved in court cases on American soil could have a chance to tell their complete background story in a court statement, we might make judicial decisions that are more culturally understanding.

While this song is meant for children, it illuminates some important concepts in cross-cultural communication, like not assuming the background of a person based on their skin tone or accent and being open to hearing about 'different' experiences. I like how it encourages us to think of cultural differences as something to celebrate and to learn about, not to be afraid of or block.

To read

An introduction to elements of 

communication across cultures.

Principles and practices in

the field of international

relations.

A discussion of India's 

historic and present international 

relations with various countries, 

regions, and powers around the

world.

Chapter 2 Notes

The concept of salience explains how sometimes cultural difference seem to matter than other times, such as a couple whose families' religious traditions only come into play on religious holidays or at large family gatherings. (42)

Dimensions for Culture Mapping
 
High versus Low Context (43)
A scale of how much meaning is carried through the direct words and what is held at an implied level based on shared beliefs and customs. What is considered tactful, even hesitant to a member of a low-context culture can still be seen as brash and blunt to a member of a high-context culture.

Individualism versus Collectivism (45)
Who is first? Me and my career, achievements, goals, or those of a family, clan, or other unified group?

Power Distance (46)
Functional, interpersonal equality among all members of the culture at one end of the scale, and a high respect of class and other power institutions on the other end.

Uncertainty Avoidance (47)
How flexible are people when change is imminent? Is there a high level of rules and regulations, and are new ideas seen as a threat to the old ways of doing things?

Achievement versus Nurturing (48)
Is the goal to finish the task at hand or is there an emphasis on nurturing relationships along the way?

One thing that's interesting about these cultural dimensions is there is an assumed behavioral mean, that is to say, there is an average placement for each distinct culture along these spectrums; which is of course to oversimplify the claims. But the text, while using examples from both, rarely entertains the concept of work vs. life cultures. An American workplace is more achievement-driven then some other cultures' work places, but certainly functional homes are towards the nurturing end? If I researched this topic further, would I find research that graphed cultures along home, school, work, and social lines as well as generally as a culture?  Culture is itself such a complex topic that such studies would be difficult, to be sure. 

Self-Reflection: The Mirror Stage

(Source)

"What do you think behavioralists are describing about someone when they say "s/he has not stopped looking in the mirror"?"

In Lacanian psychology, the "mirror stage" is when an infant-turning-child recognizes him/herself as an "other" in a mirror.

The child sees himself as a complete person for the first time, "[T]he mental representation of an "I"", that is, the sense of self as a separate part than the environment, capable of agency and identity" (Zuern 1998). Lacan claims that this stage "establishes the ego as fundamentally dependent upon external objects, on an other"(Zuern 1998), and claims the ego as object, not subject. "Lacan views the ego as thoroughly compromised and inherently neurotic to its very core, as a passionate defense of a constitutive ignorance of the unconscious" ("Jacques Lacan," 2013). A child is held up to mirror by parents and told to recognize himself; faces are made, pointing, gestures, prophecies to the child's future, and so on are elements of this characteristic ritual. This is followed by the development of the "Ideal-I", since an infant as yet has no comprehension of himself as a complete person and thus sees this image not as s/he is but as s/he could and might be; an ideal (Zuern 1998).  These expectations are embedded into the child's consciousness, his growing ego ("Jacques Lacan," 2013). Ego thus is not an independent, autonomous nature but rather that it is the place of reflected appraisal (cf. Adler 2015, p. 72). "the ego ultimately is an alienating foreign introject through which I am seduced and subjected by others' conscious and unconscious wants and machinations" ("Jacques Lacan," 2013). 

Because of this nurturing of the ego from an extremely young age, the ideal is created by others and projected onto the young child's mind. The startling discovery of wholeness and the subsequent creating of an ideal Other, compounded by the nurturing of what that person in the mirror is and is capable of, can, according to Lacanian theory, influence some to "spend their entire lives, beginning thusly, chasing in vain after an unattainable state of harmony and mastery first falsely promised by the mirror" ("Jacques Lacan," 2013).

So in answer to the question above, I would postulate that someone who is still "looking in the mirror" is someone who is still searching for that vague and perfect Other that they think they have to become. It seems rather to be an insecurity in the Subject, the ego, the person, as opposed to a vain narcissism. 

Does this theory also mean that the person is in fact already the fulfillment of all the image in the mirror means--after all, that is the function of a mirror? Can the reflection be more than the person creating it? 

(Source)

__________________
 Sources

"Jacques Lacan". (April 2, 2013). The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. Web. Retrieved from    
           http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/lacan/

Zuern, John David. (1998) Lacan: The mirror stage: Overview. CriticaLink. Web. Retrieved  
          from http://www.english.hawaii.edu/criticalink/lacan/

Chapter Four: Perceiving Others

(Source)

Chapter 4 of Interplay takes the concepts of self and extrapolates them to our perception of others. Because meaning cannot be shared in a direct one-to-one transfer (due to differing associations with the words, nonverbal cues, and contextual symbols, both intended and implied), a message is never received exactly how it is meant to be, and the research confirms that even married couples with years of interpersonal communication "consistently overestimate the degree to which they agree with their partners" (108).

Four steps of meaning attachment:

Selection
Contrasting, sudden, loud, and repetitious stimuli will likely attract attention (110).

Organization
Four types of classifications (111):
          --Physical constructs
          --Role (class, vocation) constructs
          --Interaction concepts
          --Psychological constructs--"internal states of mind and dispositions"

Upon reading these descriptions, I wonder mostly about the psychological schema. Are the internal states those of the perceived or the perceiver? It would make the most sense to attribute it to the perceived, since that is the case for the other three schemas, but how is one to judge the "internal states of mind and dispositions" of another? We certainly use someone's behavior as the primary source of our judgments, but that falls under the Interaction concepts. Where is the line drawn? as certainly someone who is friendly in social settings (Interaction) appears to us to be confident (a Psychological construct) but how are we to really know?

The concept of punctuation, as explained on page 111, is a welcome theoretical term to replace "the chicken and the egg" that I have fallen to using so many times in conflict conversation to explain why one person sees one cause and the other member of the dyad sees another cause. 

Interpretation
I would argue that some interpretation must happen before this stage, when one assumes the use of psychological constructs, because, as explained above, it is social (or antisocial) behavior that provides the fodder for those psychological terms to be used. Are those constructs created by the perceiver or the perceived? Is a person confident if they come across so, even if they themselves would disagree? Is the "burden of proof" on the mindset of the observed or the observer? This goes back a bit to the discussion we had in class on an older rhetorical concept--that speaker intention and motive barely matters compared to the audience's perceptions; is that the case in dyadic communication?

Some factors that influence interpretation are (112):
relational satisfaction
expectation
personality
personal experience
assumptions of human behavior

Negotiation
"the process by which communicators influence each other's perceptions through communication" (113)

Personal world narratives--terms we apply to people and a situation that "casts" them and "sets the scene".

Influences on Perception

Access to Information (115)
Physiological Influences (115)
          Senses
          Age
          Health and fatigue (116)
          Biological cycles 
          Hunger (117)
          Neurobehavioral challenges 
Psychological Influences (117)
          Mood
          Self-Concept (118)
Social Influences (118)
          Sex and Gender Roles (119)
          Occupational Roles (120)
          Relational Roles (120)

I can definitely resonate with the health and fatigue portion of this section. I was rather surprised though that the text failed to mention stress and burnout, focusing rather on sleep deprivation, sickness, and mood.  It is my opinion that at least when people are "really" sick, they and others around them a fairly aware that they are in less of a state for competent and responsible communication. But the world goes on around those barely swimming through a current of high-stress situations. 

Recently I had the tremendous privilege of spearheading organizing a 100-dress bridal fashion show for the bridal shop where I work. While it is something that I love to do, the pressure builds a lot over the last two weeks and almost boils over during the last two days; this year it was compounded by the delay of two dress shipments and the unexpected dropping out of two models the day before the runway show. All that to say, I communicated with my coworkers quite differently that last Saturday then I do usually, and I perceived them, and I'm sure they perceived me, with a completely different frame of mind! 

Several communication behaviors I observed on that last day:
--new employees approached me with caution
--whereas I normally engage in any interaction around me, on this day I blocked out almost all communication except on a functional basis
--older coworkers who know me well and understood the stress treated me with consideration and diverted questions, work, and traffic to themselves to give me the physical and mental space I needed. They were the especially competent communicators that day!

Stereotyping (124)
Three characteristics:
--"Categorizing others on the basis of easily recognized but not necessarily significant characteristics"
--"Ascribing a set of characteristics to most or all members of a group"
--"Applying the generalization to a particular person"









  

Chapter 3 Reflection

Chapter 3's concepts brought back memories from COM101 in freshmen year. So many of the concepts were introduced there, but brought deeper and with more detail in the text. Some of them, and some of my thoughts, are as follows:

Social perfection paradox:
The text explains that one issues with appropriate and reasonable self-image is the skewed requirements of "competent adults" in our society. It elaborates that we're expected to have a certain group of skills, an area or two of expertise, and ongoing use of those strengths. Yet it is often considered childish, bragging, or rude to mention milestones or achievements one has made, even in recognized fields (76).  This resonates with my own experience, especially when explaining my days at work or work events to my friends and family. Facts sometimes suffice--"I coordinated such-and-such"--but sometimes I want to tell them how I closed a sale, or the specific nonverbal cues I caught and capitalized on. This works alright with the people of my personal life, but feels like bragging or boasting if I mention it to my coworkers, and I sometimes feel as if I should follow it up with explaining a mistake I made. But most of me likes to look on the bright side and leave the dark spots of the past behind, so it's an odd place to be.

Reflected appraisal:
It is a testament to humanity's community nature that so much of our self-concept is accepted via what we see in the skewed mirrors of others' perceptions.  I never thought I was organized--my desk is usually a death trap for papers and my car--until in college someone saw me color-coding; then later another person realized I filed all my homework under year-, quarter-, class-, and assignment-specific files on my laptop; then someone was astounded at the lists I made before an event, and on it went until now I'm known as "organized" to those who are acquaintances. Friends and family smile, but now I may dare to list "organized" as a quality I possess to an extent; I've internalized it enough that it is less audacity and more of a resolution--in itself, perhaps, a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Chapter 3 Notes

Self-esteem "is the part of the self-concept that involves evaluations of self-worth." (70)

Reflected appraisal: the concept that much of our idea of self-worth comes from the stated or implied opinions from others (72)

Significant other: a term to name a person "whose evaluations are especially influential." (72)

Social comparison: "evaluating ourselves in terms of how we compare with others" and those others against whom we compare ourselves, whether negatively or positively, are called reference groups (73)

CHARACTERISTICS OF THE SELF-CONCEPT

Subjective (74-76)
--can be based on old information 
--based on skewed feedback 
--based on ignoring negative aspects 
--"uglies" mentality
--past failures
--societal expectations paradox: we're expected to be "perfect" in some areas but to not                      publicize our successes but rather our failures.
Flexible (76)
Resists Change (76-77)
 --cognitive conservatism: the "tendency to seek information that conforms to an existing self-concept" (77)
--four requirements for accepting an appraisal (77)

self-fulfilling prophecy: "when a person's expectations of an event, and her or his subsequent behavior based on those expectations, make the outcome more likely to occur than would otherwise have been true." (78)

two types of self-fulfilling prophecies
--self-imposed
--others' expectations govern another's actions (79)

PRESENTING THE SELF

perceived self versus presented self-who you really are versus what you show in public (80)

face and facework: our public identity and the "nonverbal ways in which we act to maintain our own presenting image" (81)

Impression management:(82-84)
-manner
-appearance
-setting

Self-disclosure: (87-88)
-self is subject
-is intentional
-is to another person
-honesty
-depth
-less available information
-context of sharing

Social Penetration Model (breadth and depth) 89

Johari Window Model (I know/they know, etc.) 91

Benefits of Self-Disclosure 92-93)
-catharsis
-self-clarification
-self-validation
-reciprocity
-impression formation
-relationship maintenance
-moral obligation
Risks (94-96)
-rejection
-negative impression
-decrease in relational satisfaction
-loss of influence
-loss of control
-hurting the other person

ALTERNATIVES TO SELF-DISCLOSURE
-silence
--lying
          benevolent lies (98)
--equivocation
--hinting